When we moved to Germany, I pictured charming cobblestone streets, fresh bread every day, and my kids singing folk songs in perfect harmony at kindergarten. Instead, I got passive-aggressive parent WhatsApp groups, a daily sprint to Kita before the strict 8:30 cutoff, and 43 pairs of muddy indoor slippers (Hausschuhe) that somehow still don’t fit.
Don’t get me wrong. Germany is lovely. But being an expat mom in Germany is a very specific kind of challenge, especially if you dared to return to work before your child finishes elementary school.
Here, most mothers stay home for years after having kids. And I mean years. Three, years is the most common but sometimes it can be four or more. There’s a well-worn rhythm to it, a system that works beautifully for many families. But when I went back to work six months postpartum, the rhythm broke, and I’ve been dancing off-beat ever since.
The School Emails That Somehow Only Find Me
Despite the fact that my husband does drop-off just as often as I do, every note, reminder, and last-minute “you need to bring 20 new pairs of pants and socks for your toddler” message lands squarely in my inbox—or gets handed to him with the instruction, “Please tell your wife.”
I once dared to respond with, “He’s got an email too.” Crickets.
Even when my husband volunteers to help with something or attends a parent meeting, they still forward follow-up questions to me. There’s this invisible assumption that Mom is the household admin, no matter what.
Working Moms Still Feel Like Unicorns Here
When I tell people I work full-time in tech and write books, I often get wide-eyed looks, like I’ve just admitted to bungee jumping while breastfeeding. Most moms at Kita are shocked I’m not in yoga pants at 2 PM with a stroller and a snack pouch. Actually wait, this is Germany, so they expect me to be riding my Babboe cargo bike, well dressed, and serving home-made and organic snacks made in the Thermomix.
Working moms are still the exception in many areas of Germany, especially in smaller towns. The system just doesn’t make it easy for us. From limited school hours to inflexible holiday coverage and the expectation that you, not your partner, will show up for every field trip, birthday party, and social school event.
It’s Not All Bad (Some Days Even Include Cake)
Of course, there are bright sides. The community is strong, the quality of care is high, and I’m raising bilingual, bread-obsessed little boys who think “Kindergarten” is a German word. (It is.) Also, German families don’t worry as much about allergies or dietary restrictions. I can send my kids to school with (gasp) peanut butter!
But some days? It’s just a lot.
So, if you’re also an expat mom in Germany juggling Kita, career, and cultural expectations… Solidarity. I see you. I am you. We’re all just out here trying to decode snack calendars, raise decent humans, and figure out what the expectations of us really are.
Leave a Comment: Have You Experienced This Too? I’d love to hear your experiences navigating school and work as a mom abroad. Leave a comment, share your favorite absurd moment, and let’s commiserate together.
Check Out My Book: Anger Is My Monster If your child sometimes expresses their emotions in loud and confusing ways (and let’s be honest, whose doesn’t?), check out my award-winning picture book, Anger Is My Monster. It’s part of the My Inner Monster series and helps kids understand and manage big feelings in a healthy, empowering way.
Find it here: Anger Is My Monster on Amazon
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Helpful Resources for Working Parents in Germany:
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